An Epic Fail with a side of Broccoli Fritters

Sigh. Remember that strawberry cobbler I made? The one that looked like an inverted corpse? Yeah, that was a definite flop. But I had said that, all obnoxious joking aside,  there were bound to be some mistakes sometimes. Well, that time has come once again...already. But ten times worse.

Why was it ten times worse?

Because I may have stupidly thought that the bagged chickpeas were already cooked.
Because I may have just dumped an entire cup of raw, rock-hard chickpeas into my skillet while cooking all my other vegetables
Because it did not occur to me that I would need to boil those M'fckin' beans first
Because after I realized I had scattered my dish with miniature pieces of titanium, I desperately tried to pull out every single one in an attempt to save my dish (THAT'S commitment)
Because even after I did that (with the help of Dad) and reboiled them, I still did not boil them long enough
Because I thought once the water boiled that the beans would automatically be ready, not that they may need to sit in the hot water longer until the beans are actually of edible texture.
Because after all of that effort,  I still ended up with a dish filled with SEMI-hard, SEMI-edible beans
Because it is also 100 degrees again, and our ac is in a weird funk, which makes everything infinitely worse.

Yeah, talk about womp. 

In the end, the dish was un-savable. Mostly because of the beans, but even the flavor was a little wack. (we didn't have nutmeg in the house) Here's a picture to commemorate my effort at least:

Attempted recipe: http://www.howsweeteats.com/2011/12/warm-winter-chickpeas/

Difficulty: stfu I hate beans

Willingness to try again: stfu I hate beans

Over-all: stfu I hate beans 

I felt extra defeated because I let my expectations get way out of hand. My parent's had a friend  come over to visit, and it was decided that I would get to cook dinner for us. All the sudden, the spirit of Julia Child got the best of me. I was seeing Food Network worthy dishes being produced from the magical tips of my protegee fingers. I was seeing everyone's speechless faces as they ate my food. I was seeing amazingness, NOT some giant plate of raw beans. 

Yeah, f*ck off stupid beans. You're too high maintenance. I hate you.

Normally, I like to take my sweet time when I am cooking. I get the kitchen to myself and play some music in the background; it's a very relaxing experience. It isn't just about the end result after all, but the process, right? (insert douchey artist voice here)

Tonight was too stressful for me. Mixed in with the heat, I was expected to cook dinner at a certain pace so that everyone wouldn't go hungry. Normally, my parents are okay with having to wait for me, but it was a little different with a guest over. And I don't have any reason for starving this nice lady. So I felt really stressed, on top of the heat and my series of stupid mistakes. This definitely added some negative stress-vibes to the food. Meh.  

Luckily, I got some broccoli fritters out of this that were actually edible:

side of lemon, +10 fancy points.

Difficulty: 6 -the recipe made this seem easier to make than it actually was. You had to mix up the flour and broccoli, making this recipe a little too messy for my liking. Even though the concept is simple, the messiness of having to glop it together onto the skillet was a little much for me. Did I tell you it was really freaking hot today too? 

Willingness to make again: 6 -I am not heavily opposed to it, but I am not super eager to, either. It's meh. I do like how this recipe is really flexible. You can pretty much cut up any combination of vegetables that you like. 

Over-all: 6 

Notes:

1. The recipe came with a yogurt sauce you could eat it with. I can see that making it a lot better, if I ever made this again.

2. By itself, the fritters were kind of bland. They definitely have to be eaten with something. We used lemon juice today, which I really liked.  But maybe put more salt and red pepper next time. 

3. Dad suggests that next time the broccoli be cut smaller. 

4. Recipe says it serves 9, but I got 4. Jipped!

http://smittenkitchen.com/2012/06/broccoli-parmesan-fritters/

And as if all of that shitfest wasn't enough, OKC is on the borderline of losing the NBA finals to the Miami Heat in game 5.  And as of now, they're losing, BIGGEST MEH OF ALL. At least I have a lovely cheesecake sitting in the fridge (my normally outspoken ego was pretty badly bruised today and needed to be redeemed. Also, a nice, cold, no-bake cheesecake sounded like a good way to combat the heat. Also, it's cheesecake. Do we even need an excuse to be making and consuming a cheesecake?) that will be ready to be consumed soon. Most likely as a comfort food...meh. 

#istillaminlovewithyou