Butternut Not Lasagna Pasta

Fck lasagna. Fck having to chop up 20 different ingredients. Fck having to pre-roast (what does that even mean????) the vegetables for 50 minutes before you can even start ASSEMBLING your lasagna that will then have to be baked for another 10 eons before you can eat it OH WAIT just kidding because you actually should refrigerate it over night first chya go lasagna!!!!!!!!

Not. 

nice and NOT RAW #winning

I had bought all the ingredients to make this pasta during that one week when I was high off housewifery. This was like, being overly-ambitious on steroids. But since the ingredients were about to spoil, I had no choice but to start getting some of those dishes out of the way. Until I discovered cooking lasagna is basically like trying to deliver twin babies while drunk off whiskey and blindfolded in the rainforest. It's pretty much damn impossible.

So change of plans, and enter BUTTERNUT SQUASH PASTA.

With some improvisation and a lot of help from  the Mom and the Cousin, we produced some pretty awesome pasta that totally satisfied my two month-old craving of butternut squash (and strengthened it if anything. I want butternut squash in all the things!)

Difficulty: 6

I think this seemed harder than it really was because we were improving and figuring out what to do as we went. The next time I make this I bet it will go by pretty fast

Not my most photogenic dish, but made up in deliciousness 

Last minute inspiration: http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-pasta-with-butternut-sq-64966

Willingness to make again: 10!!
Over-all: 9.5

What we did:

1. We took the pre-cut butternut and fried them with garlic and cong -as opposed to roasting (URGH. grimace)
2. Since I wanted the butternut to be soft, we added WATER to the skillet as it fried, letting it sort of boil and fry at the same time? The Cousin says this is kind of analogous to roasting.
3. Boiled our pasta (bad flashbacks to raw chickpeas...I guess the wound is still fresh)
4. Combined our mashed up butternut with the boiled pasta and fried it all together
5. Added lots of salt and a tiny bit of wei jing at the end
6. During the final frying stage, added sage
7. Added parmesan on top afterwards (not cooked with everything)

I really loved how the butternut was mixed thoroughly into the pasta. Sage has an interesting flavor...Mom doesn't like it but I think it is okay. I think I like mint and basil more too though. I liked how the sage flavor was strong even when it was fried though.

Notes:
1. Cut the butternut into smaller pieces so that it boils and gets soft faster
2.  The Cousin says since we're Asian, we don't use the oven. Everything that needs to be done can be done on the stove. Will remember the frying-water-in-skillet tactic for future dishes that require roasting 
3. Basil next time 
4. The Cousin says parmesan is a topping, not something to be cooked in 
5. Next time should try with onions 

Okay I don't know why, but when I think of roasting, I see a greasy haired blonde kid who wears a suit top with khaki shorts on the bottom. He thinks pink shorts are socially acceptable. And he has those gross plastic ray-band sunglasses with neon sides. And he refers to his friends as BUH-ROZ. That's how I feel about roasting, don't ask why. 

 #realasiansusestoves! 

Italian(?) Enchiladas

I had just spent the past weekend living it up in that one place, where concrete jungles bring red dreams tomatos. 


[In case you didn't get it, it's New York. NEW YOOOOoOoOOORRRRKKKKKKKKK!!]

Yes, I was busy being high off life, between the hours of 11 am to 5 am the next day, New York is just that awesome. Honestly, I think it's the only thing the East Coast has going for it.

And the food (and boys...) , yuuuuUUUUUuuuum! I still can't wrap my mind around all the model-esque-not-a-hair-out-of-place girls that seem to dominate the New York scene. Do you only inhale celery sticks for dinner? When there is literally an ice cream truck on every block? Is this real life? Someone should have made this an X-Files episode, because none of this is making sense, and all of it is making me bitter.

At least I got to eat to my hearts content. And boy did my heart (and tummeh) enjoy it.

But this blog isn't about pretzel croissants, or fruity sake, or 5 star italian food, or orgasmic cupcakes. or belgian waffle trucks; it's about my cooking.

Like, my enchiladas. 

Maybe it's the San Diego in me, but the idea of vegetarian mexican food just seems very counterintuitive. But I guess if everyone thought that way, we wouldn't have today's greatest modern inventions. You know, like the snuggie? (A blanket with sleeves? NOBEL PRIZE)

So, here we are.

Being a thoroughbred San Diegan, my blood is practically made with sour cream and guacamole. Mexican food is as much to my culture as going to rehab at least once is to most up and coming tween celebs. You can't have one without the other.

And although these enchiladas don't come anywhere close to the godly Roberto's California Burrito (you just can't bake the brisk sea breeze on your face and the smell of salty, roaring waves with the soft sand beneath your toes into an enchilada. #nostalgia), I hope I did my hometown justice all the same.

Difficulty: 4.7 -just some simple stir frying of veggies that were then wrapped into a tortilla and baked with more cheese
Willingness to make again: 9
Over-all: 8.5
Notes:
1. More cheese should have gone on the inside of the enchiladas I think. No such thing as too much cheese.
2. We didn't have salsa. Womp.


So we improvised by trying to use the rest of our pizza sauce and dumping lime juice and hot sauce into it. What we got was really spicy pizza sauce, hence the title of my post.

IMPROV! #shouldhaveboughtsalsa

 I wish I could say I was deliberately symbolizing cultural integration...unity...world peace...and globilization...blah blah blah...Ok you know what, shit just got really deep real fast. I'll save this for when I have to go back in time and write an AP World History essay. The point is, while the sauce didn't taste bad I think it would have been better if we had salsa.

But speaking of the blending of cultures, what better example than our our favorite mexican chica dressed as a medieval european princess? Snaps for you, Dora, YOU are the spitting image of world peace.

^ And okay, completely unrelated (I don't think this will EVER be related to anything EVER), but does anyone else look at this picture and want to pee themselves? Because I can't. get. enough. This picture makes me laugh like a rabid hyena, but in the best way possible. Honestly, LOOK AT THIS PICTURE. It gets funnier as I am looking at it. I feel like I could dedicate an entire blog to this picture. This picture just might be my life. Okay,  I just had to share, but I'll promise to stop if you promise not to put me into a psych ward. 

But seriously, you rock Dora. You freaking bad-ass you, you rock my world. 

Reconciliation Cheesecake

I'm sure everyone remembers what sparked my heated feud with beans (still in stages of plotting revenge). But later that night, I whipped together a cheesecake that made things a little bit more alright (cheesecake = instant happiness = not diabetes)

This is me while I am eating cheesecake 

Looking back, I see the chickpea incident as a culminating point. Prior to it, I think I was in the honeymoon phase with cooking. You know, that phase where abominations like "Bennifer" or "Robandra" are born, and the subject of what shade of blue your significant other loves is suddenly the most enthralling story that needs to be shared with the entire freaking universe?  Urgh, who doesn't hate those people.

 Except my honeymoon involved obsessive reading of cooking blogs every 10 minutes and serious delusions of grandeur. What a healthy relationship! Do you also hear those wedding bells? (DISCLAIMER: kids, if these symptoms are happening to you or toward an actual human being: get. out. now.) 

just remember this is fat free cream cheese

But then you get into the first fight, and you discover that your significant other is an actual, flawed human being that has tantrums/pet peeves/farts just like everyone else, or,  you dump a whole cup of raw chickpeas into a skillet and try to fry them. Either way, there's always something that rings the honeymoon to an end and brings both parties back to ground zero-reality. And that's where I finally am.

repeat after me: Fat free fat free fat free

It's not that I hate cooking. It's that I no longer have thoughts of dropping out of school to become an aspiring housewife-cook-blogger-turned-into-movie person. Not that I am trying to hate on anyone, it just isn't the lifestyle for me (I think I just heard The Parents' huge sigh of relief from 40 miles away).

I think as a rather childish person, I can fly really high, but bruise easily too. This chickpea incident could have easily been the deal breaker that swore me off ever touching a measuring cup again. Enter: Reconciliation cheesecake, emphasis on the reconciliation.

This was the first night, right before we put this little baby in the refrigerator 

This cheesecake is more than just a a fluffy, light, beautiful piece of sweet tangy heaven with cookie crust. It was a reminder that cooking and baking is still a fun and worth-while pursuit. So go ahead and wipe those tears, because yes, I will still continue this cooking blog.

Post-freezer

...okay, maybe I still have some issues to work out. But whatever, don't hate.

Difficulty: 4.5: since this was a no bake cheesecake, it wasn't that hard to whip together the ingredients. It was just the crust that got tedious because I had to crush four cookies at a time in my small, stone gavel pot until I made 2 cups worth. * (see notes for suggestions)
Willingness to make again: 10. Hello? Have you even been paying attention? Cheesecake? Plus, I used nonfat cream cheese and it still tasted just as good as any other cheesecake, so if you think about it, there really isn't any reason why you shouldn't just consume cheesecake every single day for the rest of your life. Right?


Over-all: 9.8

I want to go to here forevvvuuurr

Notes:

1) Cousin suggested I try using a blender to crush the cookies next time. I am a little dubious as to whether this will work or not, but it would definitely save a lot of time and is worth a try.
2) It took a long time to initially refrigerate the cake into being solid, so I ended up putting the cheesecake in the freezer over night, and then leaving it in the refrigerator the day-after and onward. I think this was a pretty good tactic, unless you wanted the cheesecake the next day and don't like frozen ones (it's pretty hard). Then just be patient and leave in refrigerator expecting it to take at least all night to solidify. It tastes better after refrigeration anyways because it is softer.
3) Strawberries were an awesome touch. Am excited to play with more fruits.
4) I honestly can't think of anything that was wrong with the cheesecake, I just didn't want to say 10 because it makes me feel awkward. Like, Lebron James claiming he is the king of NBA kind of awkward.

Solidified crust!

http://www.skinnytaste.com/2010/06/low-fat-strawberry-no-bake-cheesecake.html

^ oh and on that note, OKC lost the NBA championships... BUT, as a young, fresh, super good looking and talented team, there is no doubt that we will be seeing them in future finals. REDEMPTION!

so, THEME OF TODAY'S POST: (insert: deep, dramatic, black guy's voice)
Optimism.  Redemption. Annoying Couples We Can't Stand. PERSEVERANCE! Dreams.

^ Shoot, maybe my blog can be turned into a movie...

An Epic Fail with a side of Broccoli Fritters

Sigh. Remember that strawberry cobbler I made? The one that looked like an inverted corpse? Yeah, that was a definite flop. But I had said that, all obnoxious joking aside,  there were bound to be some mistakes sometimes. Well, that time has come once again...already. But ten times worse.

Why was it ten times worse?

Because I may have stupidly thought that the bagged chickpeas were already cooked.
Because I may have just dumped an entire cup of raw, rock-hard chickpeas into my skillet while cooking all my other vegetables
Because it did not occur to me that I would need to boil those M'fckin' beans first
Because after I realized I had scattered my dish with miniature pieces of titanium, I desperately tried to pull out every single one in an attempt to save my dish (THAT'S commitment)
Because even after I did that (with the help of Dad) and reboiled them, I still did not boil them long enough
Because I thought once the water boiled that the beans would automatically be ready, not that they may need to sit in the hot water longer until the beans are actually of edible texture.
Because after all of that effort,  I still ended up with a dish filled with SEMI-hard, SEMI-edible beans
Because it is also 100 degrees again, and our ac is in a weird funk, which makes everything infinitely worse.

Yeah, talk about womp. 

In the end, the dish was un-savable. Mostly because of the beans, but even the flavor was a little wack. (we didn't have nutmeg in the house) Here's a picture to commemorate my effort at least:

Attempted recipe: http://www.howsweeteats.com/2011/12/warm-winter-chickpeas/

Difficulty: stfu I hate beans

Willingness to try again: stfu I hate beans

Over-all: stfu I hate beans 

I felt extra defeated because I let my expectations get way out of hand. My parent's had a friend  come over to visit, and it was decided that I would get to cook dinner for us. All the sudden, the spirit of Julia Child got the best of me. I was seeing Food Network worthy dishes being produced from the magical tips of my protegee fingers. I was seeing everyone's speechless faces as they ate my food. I was seeing amazingness, NOT some giant plate of raw beans. 

Yeah, f*ck off stupid beans. You're too high maintenance. I hate you.

Normally, I like to take my sweet time when I am cooking. I get the kitchen to myself and play some music in the background; it's a very relaxing experience. It isn't just about the end result after all, but the process, right? (insert douchey artist voice here)

Tonight was too stressful for me. Mixed in with the heat, I was expected to cook dinner at a certain pace so that everyone wouldn't go hungry. Normally, my parents are okay with having to wait for me, but it was a little different with a guest over. And I don't have any reason for starving this nice lady. So I felt really stressed, on top of the heat and my series of stupid mistakes. This definitely added some negative stress-vibes to the food. Meh.  

Luckily, I got some broccoli fritters out of this that were actually edible:

side of lemon, +10 fancy points.

Difficulty: 6 -the recipe made this seem easier to make than it actually was. You had to mix up the flour and broccoli, making this recipe a little too messy for my liking. Even though the concept is simple, the messiness of having to glop it together onto the skillet was a little much for me. Did I tell you it was really freaking hot today too? 

Willingness to make again: 6 -I am not heavily opposed to it, but I am not super eager to, either. It's meh. I do like how this recipe is really flexible. You can pretty much cut up any combination of vegetables that you like. 

Over-all: 6 

Notes:

1. The recipe came with a yogurt sauce you could eat it with. I can see that making it a lot better, if I ever made this again.

2. By itself, the fritters were kind of bland. They definitely have to be eaten with something. We used lemon juice today, which I really liked.  But maybe put more salt and red pepper next time. 

3. Dad suggests that next time the broccoli be cut smaller. 

4. Recipe says it serves 9, but I got 4. Jipped!

http://smittenkitchen.com/2012/06/broccoli-parmesan-fritters/

And as if all of that shitfest wasn't enough, OKC is on the borderline of losing the NBA finals to the Miami Heat in game 5.  And as of now, they're losing, BIGGEST MEH OF ALL. At least I have a lovely cheesecake sitting in the fridge (my normally outspoken ego was pretty badly bruised today and needed to be redeemed. Also, a nice, cold, no-bake cheesecake sounded like a good way to combat the heat. Also, it's cheesecake. Do we even need an excuse to be making and consuming a cheesecake?) that will be ready to be consumed soon. Most likely as a comfort food...meh. 

#istillaminlovewithyou

Zesty! Vegetarian Stir-Fry

I deliberately put the word "Zesty" in front of the title to make my stir-fry seem really exciting and groundbreaking. Did it work? It's okay...I kind of knew it wouldn't, I just wanted an excuse to use the word "zesty" because I like it. #dealwithit

I also took a glimpse at my sidebar and for a second thought someone had put an episode guide of some nick jr. show for obese kids in place of my previous posts, that's how ridiculous my post titles sound. How did I just notice this now? (In this week's episode, Pizza Palooza! Fat Frankie wakes up to find pizza raining from the sky! It's a Christmas Miracle!) And to think, I haven't even been doing it deliberately. I'm just...that...dorky...? Aw, crap.

Anyways, even if I tried to, I doubt I'll be able to continue thinking of "cool" post titles. There are only so many adjectives in the dictionary that can be used to describe food, and I've already used zesty, so I think it's safe to say that the end is in sight. Sorry to disappoint. (especially you, Fat Frankie)

Not my prettiest dish

But onto my food. Even though I "simply" made vegetable stir-fry, I still thought it tasted awesome. I love it when my mom cooks me broccoli and mu'er, so I kind of already knew what taste I was going for. And I didn't use a recipe at all! I simply put in my vegetables (this time: broccoli, mushrooms, onions and some of my TJ tofu) and added garlic, salt and wei jing. Stop whatever you are doing and alert Alice Waters, because I think I am her protege. Ha ha, ok I'll stop now. 

I was also really craving broccoli for some reason, which is like, the craziest notion ever. The Mom and the Cousin can attest to this, because I wouldn't shut up about how we needed. to. buy. broccoli. NOW. It must be a vegetarian thing, so does this mean I passed initiation?! 

Theory: Any nonliving object looks more appetizing/sophisticated/artistic/valuable when taken in zoom.  #!*~pH0togRapHyY*~*

Difficulty: 2
Willingness to make again: 10 -both taste-wise and out of necessity. Because lets face it, when school starts its going to be really hard to cook cool elaborate recipes, so stir-fry veggies will have to do. And I ain't complaining (yet?).
Over-all: 8 -I mean, it wasn't complicated at all, but that doesn't mean it deserves less points because of it. It's all about taste, and I thought this was awesome.
Notes:
1. I cooked my garlic first on high heat, and it turned all crispy and brown really fast. Next time, should just cook it with the vegetables all at once.
2. If anything, cook the tofu first because that takes longer
3. Wei Jing is supposed to be added towards the end, and very minimally

Peanut Butter Fudge Cookies of Death

Yes, it's peanut butter, on cookies. With fudge. But I was already packing my honeymoon bags when I saw peanut butter. I guess it's time for me to reveal a little something about myself: I am hopelessly, shamelessly, and deeply in great-obsessive-love with peanut butter. Like, Edward Cullen status love. I would almost certainly writhe in fetal position in the middle of a deserted forest if I were to be without it. But that doesn't mean I endorse any of Bella's nonsense. Frankly she is an embarrassment to all the female gender, both real and non-existing. But this isn't the time nor place for that.

Saw this picture on tumblr before, could not resist. 

So these cookies? They turned out pretty fuh-keen-g a-mazing. 

True story: I could eat this ^  alone straight up for the rest of my life. And I wouldn't even be sorry. (because I would have already died of a heart attack)

We had to get a little creative to substitute for our lacking of condensed sweetened milk, but this actually turned out fabulously because we finally found a use (thanks Cousin) for the huge stash of repulsive, sugarless white pudding that I stupidly bought at Costco last summer.  Yeah, it's been just sitting there for that long, being repulsive, in my pantry. Blegh, what on earth was I thinking?! No, what were the creators of this offensive product thinking!? Brainstorming different cruel and unusual punishments is my guess. 

So yeah, the chocolate part of the recipe needed condensed sweetened milk. So instead we used the same measurements for the pudding, minus 2 oz which was of water for a more liquid base. Then we just stirred in chocolate. 

When I realized we didn't buy enough chocolate, I remembered the bag of truffles that was also hiding away in our pantry, not out of repulsiveness, but out of our fear of becoming obese. I am so happy I finally found a use for them that doesn't involve bucket-loads of guilt. This my friends, is being resourceful. And being resourceful is the work of good samaritans. So there, nothing to feel guilty about anymore! 

God, when I took my first bite of these cookies, I knew I was in trouble. I am pretty sure I could consume 10 of these cookies without even realizing it, in one sitting. And by pretty sure, I mean with absolute certainty. Thank god I have a job where I can dump my baked goods onto my coworkers, making me look like a really sweet, thoughtful person, and helping me not clog all my arteries. #ulteriormotives #mutualisms!

The cookies weren't as sweet and rich as their title would suggest, but just sweet enough (it's all about personal preference, if you are more into the sugary stuff, just add more sugar). And the oats give it such a yummy texture. And that peanut butter. 1.5 cups of peanut butter can do no wrong. The chocolate on top also turned out great considering our improvisations. It was nice and gooey but not overly decadent like fudge normally is. Our topping was more chocolate sauce than fudge, if anything. 

 Pre-baked

Post-baked 

Post-baked 

http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-peanut-butter-fudge-oat-129377

Difficulty: 3.5 (I was surprised how easy it was to whisk the dough together)

Willingness to make again: -5 and 100 -because I know I will be condemning myself to a life of stretchy fake-legging-jeans, but those cookies taste like what I imagine Mother Theresa's soul would taste like if it were reincarnated into a food: sweet and holy and beautiful. Oh dear lord I have issues. 

Over-all: 9.3

Notes:

1. Should have been more careful about creating a thicker layer of chocolate because it spread more than I thought it would. Just on a looks standpoint. 

2. I am really interested in trying this recipe with jam instead of chocolate 

3. I also think this recipe can be made without the peanut butter *

* (I can't believe there are people on this earth who actually don't like peanut butter. I mean, I don't really believe in extraterrestrial beings...but...)  

4. 10 minute bake time is too little, but 15 minute bake time is too much. 

5. I personally didn't think the peanut butter was even that strong. But maybe (just maybe) I am a little more hardcore than most when it comes to my pb (you want the truth peanut butter?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE PEANUT BUTTER! Except, I actually can) 

So if I just failed a midterm, or, you know, am just being me on a daily basis, and am craving my pb, maybe try 2 - whatever the heck you want-cups of peanut butter for a stronger flavor.

I've said before that life can always use more tofu, and now I am going to go back and amend that statement to say life can always use more tofu and peanut butter. Always, always, always. And can somebody say thai peanut-sauce tofu? YES. I will perfect that recipe and then spend the rest of my life fighting the temptation of making it and eating it for the rest of eternity. That is my destiny. 

Pizza Palooza!

I am going to start this post by asking you this: have you ever named your pizza before? Because I have. Three of them, actually. And one of them was Tabatha, the cool hip vegetarian pizza who went to Cal as a CnR ecosystems major. She was deeeeee-lish.

Also, remember all that jazz I was making over how I loved  cooking with the Parents, how we were spending "quality time" together and it was all just peachy? Good. Because now I am going to contradict all those things I said.

Cooking by myself is so much more enjoyable. I really appreciate the Parents for you know, bringing me into this world and all that. But honestly, I don't like it when they keep telling me what to do. I called it "helpful advice" before, but really that was just a euphemism for nagging.

Why don't you just wash all the mushrooms now, at once? Well what if I don't want to use all the mushrooms in this batch? Will God smite us from the heavens if I just, you know, put the rest of the mushrooms back in the fridge? Is my vegetable cutting technique really bothering you that much? Because you look like you're about to have an aneurism over these onions that look just fine to me. Urgh, just let me make my custom, "inefficient," one-at-a-time pizzas in peace!

This is Tabatha, pre-baked. 

The way I see it, when I'm cooking, the kitchen is my kitchen. No one should be telling me how to do what I do, no matter how much more experience you have. Do you see me telling you how to run your electrophoresis in the lab? Do you hear me harping about how your kid is guaranteed to become a hobo if he doesn't go to school A and take classes B C and D? No. Because all of that is rude and such thoughts should stay in my own head. All you need to do is get your butt to the table the moment dinner is ready, and occasionally remind me where to find certain ingredients.

^ Damn. Minus 10+ years of cooking experience to be had, I definitely think I got the swag to be on some form of Hell's Kitchen. I would be all up in that reality show drama breathing fire at anyone who so much as looks at me the wrong way in my kitchen. I'd be an instant crowd pleaser: cute, child-looking asian girl with temper of a psychotic pregnant bear on cocaine. Yep, that's me.

(go bears?????)

Anyway, onto my pizza. Home made pizza is my newest obsession. But remember that one time where I said that if I could cook without reading a recipe that I would be like, the next Alice Waters or something? (that time being yesterday)

 This is my first pizza, named Jack. I figured a generic meat pizza should be named Jack. 

Baked Jack (ha ha) 

Well, I didn't read the recipe this time, but I don't think pizza making counts. Especially when all your ingredients are already pretty much pre-cut and pre-cooked for you and all you do is assemble the goods and babysit the oven to make sure nothing burns. The most manuel thing I had to do was grill the onions (yum yum yum. Was generous with the salt, too).

Post-baked Tabitha 

I'm glad to see though that I keep setting up all these milestones for myself. So like, there isn't any direction but upwards basically. Once I pass one thresh hold, I immediately set new ones. So in reality I guess I'll never really be an "official" chef. There's always something new to be learned or improved upon. Looks like my parents did raise some good, standard Asian in me.

So yeah, regardless, I was still REALLY happy with my pizza today. It might be one of my favorite-est things I've made so far.

Ingredients I used (but so much room for experimentation! I'm lookin' at chu, blackberries)
-spring mix greens
-pesto / pizza sauce (store bought)
-grilled onions
-corn
-sausage for the fam
-goat cheese / feta cheese
-mushrooms

Difficulty: 1
Willingness to make again: 10 x 10 x 10!!!
Over-all: 9
Notes:
1. Pesto from Trader Joes was really strong, so try to use less of it? Or maybe make it myself one of these days when I'm feeling *extra* Berklian
2. We used this random tortilla stuff my mom got awhile ago. It was pretty thin, still good though! I love my thin pizzas, but can definitely buy actual pizza-crust for next time
3. Goat cheese on pizza is the BOMB.
4. 450 is a good temperature for the oven

Also, I realized from these posts that I may have an ego problem. I mean, remember the time I talked about creating edible pieces of, oh, I don't know, JESUS CHRIST? (how do I think of these things) So, to maintain my likability as just your average-joe, I'll share an embarrassing story with an embarrassing photo (who doesn't like a girl who can laugh at herself?). Today, I asked the Mom if I could use these to bake my pizzas:

To which the Mom replied: That would catch on fire. Followed by this face: -____- 

So yeah, I'm not the brightest belle in the barn (BERKELEY STUDENT, F.T.W)  I also am constantly spilling ingredients when I stir or serve out food, which makes the Dad look like he's about to throw himself off a building. If I had a shot for every time I made some sort of miniature mess in the kitchen, then I would be a very, very drunk cook. (Shoot, now I am thinking about what it would be like to cook drunk. Curse me and my undergraduate inklings! I blame college. No! As T-whatshisface says, I'll just blame it on the A-a-a-a-a-lchahol woooo)

Well, now the secret is out. I am just an average, alcoholic?  flawed human being who really likes home made pizza, just like you. Hard to believe? Because I seem so put together and awesome in writing? Ha ha ha, I humor myself. Even if that actually means I sit by myself on a computer and laugh to myself. It's what all the cool kids do, I think.

Fried Rice with friends

On Friday I decided to debut some of my cooking for my friends, which was big first step for me. Like, taking the training wheels off the bike kind of step. Except, since I was cooking for six people and needed something in bulk, I took it kind of easy by making fried rice. (So maybe it was like taking the training wheels off but still wearing knee and elbow pads).

But I was excited. I really wanted to take pictures of my friend's ecstatic faces as they munched on the greatest fried rice they have ever had the glory of munching on. I was ready for my fried rice to bring tears of eternal gratefulness to their eyes, all of which would be captured and forever stored in my own personal reserve of ego. (and because I love my friends and wanted to feed them something yummy. Yeah, that too)

Too bad none of that happened.

Not that my friend's didn't like the fried rice. They all seemed to like it, although that could just be politeness. I just forgot to take pictures. And I tasted the rice, and it tasted like any other fried rice. That's when I remembered that what I was cooking was really just, fried rice, and not like, edible pieces of Jesus. But whatever, potaytoe potahtoh.  #realitycheck

Anyways, while I still had my recipe out, I listened a lot to what my parents had to say too. (I think the day I start cooking without my laptop out is the day I go from the two-wheeler to profesional motorcycle racer) I mean, they would have some fried rice cooking experience I would think, if we're going to go with stereotypes and what not. Ha ha, but no, they actually do know how to make fried rice, and I would trust their expertise over some white person's blog. *

* (No offense! Skinny Taste is actually an awesome blog. It's very health conscious, which I appreciate. Especially when I am basking in self-loathing after going to toscanini's again and getting the double instead of single scoop, again. Granted, I don't think perusing healthy website is the same as actually eating a healthy diet. But, I digress #sorryimnotreallysorry).

http://www.skinnytaste.com/2012/04/asian-edamame-fried-rice.html

Some important tidbits from my parents:
-add wei jing
-fried rice is best with left over rice.
-soy sauce is optional
-if I feel lazy about using fresh carrot (which we happened to have left over), frozen carrot pieces are available
-corn (frozen, ready to made corn is awesome)
-lots. of. salt. none of that "4.36 tablespoons in a half" nonsense in our asian kitchen! just add a healthy thin layer of salt to cover the entire pan; this is a general rule for most if not all dishes)

Difficulty: 3
Willingness to make again: 10
Over-all: 8
Notes:
-feel like it could have used more salt. And FRIED TOFU! Everything in life can use a little more tofu.

This time I followed more tips from le-chef-de-papa (yea, I just combined 3 different languages. it's not stupid it's called being c u l t u r e d) and pre-prepared my ingredients. oooOOOOooo #fancy

The Dad made mojitos for us all again. Gotta say, I am a big fan and avid supporter of my dads new found obsession with drink making. MMmmmMM! It was also hilarious because my dad literally thought my friend's parents would sue him for letting their kids drink in our house. God forbid!

Here is a picture of what edible pieces of Jesus might look like

Over-all dinner. Also made the avacado dip again, but it didn't turn out as flavorful because we used regular eggs instead of my moms pre-flavored ones. But I think it was still good, just need to add more salt. God, now I sound like the over-played wailings of Gotye (somebody I uuuuused to knooOOooow +shoot self+ )

 Despite being kind of "jing zhang," I am glad I got to cook for my friends.  Even at the risk of potential law-suit. It's something I will definitely be doing again, especially when I go back to school.